Scars
"They remind me of your faithfulness and all you brought me through. They teach me that my brokenness is something you can use. They show me where I've been and that I am not there anymore, that's what scars are for." scars by Mandisa
I have been thinking about the purpose of hard things that I have gone through in the past and how they have left a scar on my heart. I have also been noticing how some of those scars are affecting my relationships with different people in my life.
To be honest high school and my freshman year of college were the hardest year of my left. Granted I am only 24 but if you think about it 5 years is a long time to go through difficult times. The main thing that kept happening to me was being ditched by people in my life. It started my freshman year in high school in which I would make friends with two girls and then in the middle of the year they found other girls to hang out with and joined their clique.
This cycle of making friends with one or two girls and then losing them to other people was a constant pattern. It continued into freshman year of college where it got to the point that I felt so alone at a college of 900.
This pattern of getting ditched or of losing friends left a big bruise on my heart. I got to the point where I had no one else to turn to but God. I was broken and lonely so I opened my Bible and turned to Psalms. The book of Psalms is filled with honesty, raw emotion. David is crying out to God in everything that he is going through. Then he would conclude his psalm with praise. I could relate to many things David was saying. And that is how God became my constant Companion. Seeing that I could be honest with God, and that he was with me through the heartbreak was so freeing.
Looking back at those five years I see how I found my identity in my friendships and how those friends were almost idols to me. They determined how I felt about most things and I shared every opinion they held. My faith was so fake back then.
That time definitely left a scar on my heart and it has taken God a long time to heal it . The thing about my friendships were that we were always a group of three. And I saw how "three is a crowd," can be true back then. But then I also see how I brought my pain, hurt and brokenness to God and how he has taken those things and brought beauty from it . I needed him to break me so I could find Him, my true, always faithful, always present Friend full of unconditional love.
I used to be so scared of hanging out in groups of three because of the scar on my heart. But now I see that God has broken that fear and redeemed it. You are probably asking how do you know that? Well to answer your question, its because I now live with two other girls and we all hang out together and get along great.
I love that my God is a miracle worker and can redeem anyone and anything.
I have been thinking about the purpose of hard things that I have gone through in the past and how they have left a scar on my heart. I have also been noticing how some of those scars are affecting my relationships with different people in my life.
To be honest high school and my freshman year of college were the hardest year of my left. Granted I am only 24 but if you think about it 5 years is a long time to go through difficult times. The main thing that kept happening to me was being ditched by people in my life. It started my freshman year in high school in which I would make friends with two girls and then in the middle of the year they found other girls to hang out with and joined their clique.
This cycle of making friends with one or two girls and then losing them to other people was a constant pattern. It continued into freshman year of college where it got to the point that I felt so alone at a college of 900.
This pattern of getting ditched or of losing friends left a big bruise on my heart. I got to the point where I had no one else to turn to but God. I was broken and lonely so I opened my Bible and turned to Psalms. The book of Psalms is filled with honesty, raw emotion. David is crying out to God in everything that he is going through. Then he would conclude his psalm with praise. I could relate to many things David was saying. And that is how God became my constant Companion. Seeing that I could be honest with God, and that he was with me through the heartbreak was so freeing.
Looking back at those five years I see how I found my identity in my friendships and how those friends were almost idols to me. They determined how I felt about most things and I shared every opinion they held. My faith was so fake back then.
That time definitely left a scar on my heart and it has taken God a long time to heal it . The thing about my friendships were that we were always a group of three. And I saw how "three is a crowd," can be true back then. But then I also see how I brought my pain, hurt and brokenness to God and how he has taken those things and brought beauty from it . I needed him to break me so I could find Him, my true, always faithful, always present Friend full of unconditional love.
I used to be so scared of hanging out in groups of three because of the scar on my heart. But now I see that God has broken that fear and redeemed it. You are probably asking how do you know that? Well to answer your question, its because I now live with two other girls and we all hang out together and get along great.
I love that my God is a miracle worker and can redeem anyone and anything.
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